26th February 2009
Funny Facebook Status 16
xxx has discovered that his memory isn't as sharp as it once was. What's worse, his memory isn't as sharp as it once was, either.
xxx thinks that we don't stop laughing because we grow older. We grow old because we stop laughing.
xxx is above the influence.
xxx is thinking of a number.
xxx wrote on your wall. Now you'll need to repaint.
xxx joined the group Kill All Small Furry Animals. Remove xxx as friend?
xxx loves baked beans and their post-consumption musical properties.
xxx notices that when the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.
xxx is Noah's nephew's second cousin on his mother's side twice removed.
xxx's PIN is 48265.
xxx is fully interactive and has been generated in real time using complex algorithms and epistomological texture and behaviour generation techniques.
xxx is old enough to know better, but was crazy enough to do it anyway.
xxx wonders who put a stop payment on his reality check...
xxx took off his backpack and it felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders!
xxx hereby admits that he's the one who pushed Humpty Dumpty off the wall.
xxx wonders whether you'd like gin and platonic or scotch and sofa...
xxx knows that the left side of the brain rules the right side of the body... thus only left-handed people are in their right minds.
xxx would like you to know that due to inflation, the position formerly known as 69 is now 96, thus the cost of eating out has also gone up ;-)
xxx thinks that a doggie isn't just a good gift for Xmas. It's a good position for the whole year round.
xxx wonders, if you're cross-eyed and dyslexic, can you read all right?
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26th February 2009
Funny Facebook Status 15
xxx is busy with Jedi business. Move along, nothing to see here.
xxx is impersonating a mannequin.
xxx is itching for some ointment.
xxx today backwards talking is.
xxx is bright, like a lightbulb... but only like one of those 25watt energy-saving globes.
xxx is a series of linked molecules.
xxx has calendaritis, and will be taking it one day at a time.
xxx is not online. Really. I've no idea how this status got updated.
xxx is at two with Nature.
xxx doesn't want to achieve immortality through his art. He wants to achieve it by not dying.
xxx could use a hug right now. But not from you. You have germs.
xxx is spellchecking the dictionary.
xxx misses you. His aim is slightly off today.
xxx has discovered that the deceased holder of a dormant account at his bank has no heirs, so he proposes to nominate you, then split the $100million with you but you first need to send him a $200 fee.
xxx is searching for the love of his life: www.mailorderbrides.com
xxx say bad grammar make me [sic]
xxx is 100% positive that he isn't sure.
xxx thinks that a clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
xxx sys: dwn wth vwls!
xxx thinks that the best thing about growing senile is that you can hide your own Easter eggs.
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11th February 2009
Funny Facebook Status 14
xxx doesn't mind taking a leap of faith. He just needs a good run up.
xxx feels like a million dollars! Zim dollars :-|
xxx needs 200cc of S.L.E.E.P. stat!!!
xxx is a tragic comedy in 1,435,754 acts.
xxx has highs in friends' places.
xxx is invincible for life!
xxx has too much blood in his caffeine system.
xxx has been recalled by Fisher Price because he may contain traces of lead paint.
xxx is inviting you to play with his touchscreen.
xxx is lost in translation.
xxx wants to re-enact scenes from Animal Kingdom.
xxx has been naughty. Maybe a spanking would be in order.
xxx is like a cobra, spitting when excited.
xxx wonders what happened to Goldie Locks and the bears after the camera crew left.
xxx and Jill went up the hill to buy a bottle of Evian, but felt that it was grossly overpriced and out of reach of the common man.
xxx is not bitter, but is working on it.
xxx hereby commits himself to using fewer exclamation marks in his status updates!!!
xxx defined reality as we know it. Prove me wrong.
xxx is officially a Lectus Solanum tuberosum Linnaeus *couch potato*
xxx has become a Grand Master of Mediocrity, but is indifferent of this achievement.
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10th February 2009
Funny Facebook Status 13
xxx read that eleventeen percent of the population make up strange words.
xxx will not be updating his status today.
xxx thinks that a clean house is a sign of a broken computer.
xxx is a few clowns short of a full circus.
xxx can confirm that there really are 500 sheets of toilet paper on the roll.
xxx will be spending the next 8 hours studying the inside of his eyelids.
xxx is lonely so he's gone to find the batteries for his 'friend'.
xxx is right 99% of the time so why worry about the other 5%?
xxx wonders that if 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhoea, does the 5th person enjoy it?
xxx is stroking his mouse.
xxx is made of 100% people.
xxx is on the road to nowhere.
xxx would like to remind you that if you're not satisfied with this product, you should return it to the point of sale for a full refund.
xxx sometimes sits and talks to God, but He just laughs at my plans.
xxx has the body of an 18 year old. He keeps it in the freezer.
xxx is reading ASAP's fables.
xxx can't amuse everyone all the time, but he'll keep trying.
xxx invented the sport of goodminton. It's like badminton, only better.
xxx can't understand why children have to starve while boots costing thousands leave their imprints upon the moon.
xxx thinks that the Miss Universe competition is rigged because it's always won by a human.
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9th February 2009
Funny Facebook Status 12
xxx is just two away from a threesome.
xxx is textually inactive.
xxx is not a registered gynaecologist but he'll have a look anyway.
xxx is Googling you.
xxx is poking himself.
xxx says that you shouldn't worry, it's not contagious.
xxx says touch your head. Touch your nose. Hahaha, SIMON didn't say touch your nose!
xxx thinks that you should never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
xxx is not answering questions today. That's what Google is for.
xxx is now made with 25% real juice.
xxx is the devil you know.
xxx is the lesser of two evils.
xxx is easier said than done.
xxx is putting the 'laughter' back into 'manslaughter'.
xxx is putting the 'fun' back into 'dysfunctional'.
xxx is wondering why you're reading this when you should be studying.
xxx needs to borrow 700 trillion Zim dollars to make a call.
xxx would give his right arm to be ambidextrous.
xxx is opening up a fresh can of worms.
xxx wonders whether it shouldn't be spelled 'fonetically'.
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9th February 2009
Funny Facebook Status 11
xxx isn't sure what of what can be done with a drunken sailor.
xxx is big in Japan.
xxx is not a proper sentence.
xxx is not meant for use by women who have blood clots, certain cancers, a history of heart attack or stroke, as well as those who are or may be pregnant.
xxx is not superstitious, only mildly stitious.
xxx is open for business.
xxx is fully operational and currently aimed at the planet Ozhanak.
xxx is falling asleep on the keyboarddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
xxx is [vb:runtime error occurred while processing this directive.]
xxx is Exception in thread "getStatus": NullPointerException
xxx is assuming the position.
xxx is glad that he caught you at home. May he use your phone?
xxx is disobeying a direct command from his superior officer.
xxx has just made the internet eight words longer.
xxx is too drunk to update his status.
xxx is slippery when wet.
xxx just had a reality check. And it bounced.
xxx is WHISPERING.
xxx isn't blaming it on the sunshine, the moonlight or the good times, but on the boogie.
xxx IS CELEBRATING INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY.
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8th February 2009
Funny Facebook Status 10
xxx is so proud of himself! He just finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 weeks even though the box said 2-4 years.
xxx wonders whose bright idea it was to choose a toddler holding a dangerous weapon as a Valentine's mascot.
xxx wonders where he's going and why he's in a handbasket.
xxx is changing your Facebook Relationship Status to... Marked As Spam.
xxx is rubbing ointment on that thing he noticed last night. Doesn't seem to be growing any smaller.
xxx is feeling trapped in this strange body.
xxx wonders whether anybody knows the current age of consent? Quickly please!
xxx caught 4 falling stars in a single night!!
xxx will be saying it with text messages this year.
xxx is hiding in your closet and watching you getting ready for bed...
xxx is eating boiled haggis... for fun!
xxx is in the Naughty Corner.
xxx is harmful if swallowed.
xxx is not the issue here, dude.
xxx is on Line One, Mr.President, shall I put him through?
xxx is making voodoo dolls.
xxx is doing whatever a spiderpig does.
xxx is going to visit you in your sleep.
xxx is consulting The Book Of Armaments, Chapter 7, verses 1 to 9, and is preparing to throw The Grenade Of Truth at you.
xxx has been enlarged to show detail.
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8th February 2009
Funny Facebook Status 09
xxx is off to fetch his mum from the airport. Hope she got the weed through without any bother.
xxx is trying out for Home School Musical.
xxx is trying to focu... OH LOOK! A BEE!!
xxx sometimes wakes up grumpy. Other times I simply let her sleep.
xxx is cle"a{ni.ng h'i.s ke]y2boa;rd
xxx blamed it on the dog.
xxx doesn't own a dog.
xxx is wondering what will happen if he touches the red wire with the green wir#*&
xxx used to play sports, until he realized that he could buy trophies. Now he's good at everything.
xxx has had amnesia for as long as he can remember.
xxx wonders whether he qualifies for a goverment bailout package...
xxx doesn't suffer from insanity. He enjoys every minute of it.
xxx wonders where Noah kept the pair of woodpeckers on the Ark.
xxx never looks a gift horse in the mouth. No likey bad horsey breath.
xxx's package could use some stimulus.
xxx is the quiet neighbour with the basement and the big freezer.
xxx gave up hope for Lent.
xxx is so happy sharing his Facebook status with you.
xxx is thinking that you looked better on Facebook.
xxx wonders, what would Scooby Do?
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8th February 2009
Funny Facebook Status 08
xxx is revoking your creative licence.
xxx wonders whether it's cheaper to travel to Old York than to New York.
xxx does NOT have a big bum! That's just my wallet.
xxx has found a shortcut for next month's marathon.
xxx loves Valentine's Day, when nookie is only a box of chocolates away.
xxx invites you all to National Orgasm Day tomorrow. Who's coming?
xxx thinks that friction is a drag.
xxx thinks that impotence is Nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings."
xxx started out with nothing and still has most of it.
xxx says that the best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
xxx says that just because you're smart, it doesn't mean that the other guy is stupid.
xxx carries a 50 year written guarantee.
xxx is modest and proud of it!
xxx wishes everyone wang chung tonight.
xxx is following the chicken across the road.
xxx can't decide whether to take the red pill or the blue pill.
xxx is presenting his thesis entitled E=MC3. That's right, Mr.Einstein, I said CUBED!
xxx is out of his mind but will be back in 5 minutes.
xxx hasn't trusted elves since the 1997 "incident".
xxx is as smart as a horse and hung like Einstein!
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5th February 2009
Funny Facebook Status 07
xxx thinks that some people have a way with words, and other people not have way.
xxx thinks that sometimes a majority means that all the fools are on the same side.
xxx thinks that he who laughs last has the slowest internet connection.
xxx thinks that freedom of speech is every bit as wonderful as the freedom not to listen.
xxx has realized that the email of the species is more deadly than the mail.
xxx knows that the internet isn't better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.
xxx realizes that, thanx to Facebook, the old saying about a million monkeys typing on a million keyboards churning out the works of Shakespeare simply isn't true.
xxx is confused. If i believe in something which i made up, i'm crazy, but if i believe in something which someone else made up, i'm religious.
xxx is trying to find more ways to incorporate KFC gravy in his diet.
xxx can't believe how friendly some men are in public washrooms.
xxx does not like the food in Brazilian prisons.
xxx is not as thunk as you drink.
xxx will be delivering his emails by hand today.
xxx has just added the "Would you like a Facebook Stalker" application.
xxx hopes that you'll save the whales by buying the whole set.
xxx locked his keys into the Ford. Again. Luckily he was inside the Ford when it happened.
xxx is investigating the legal technicalities of setting of fireworks inside a bank.
xxx is taking sexy back to the store because it's waaaay too tight.
xxx is illiterate but can read your dirty mind.
xxx is going crazy! Wanna come??
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5th February 2009
Funny Facebook Status 06
xxx has a manual gear lever, and has been designed for sheer performance.
xxx is a molecular slave to DNA.
xxx thinks that are 10 type of people. Those who understand binary and those who don't.
xxx thinks that everyone should be consistent, but not all the time.
xxx heard that Eskom has turned off the light at the end of the tunnel. Bastards.
xxx thinks that clones are people two.
xxx wonders whether the name Pavlov rings a bell?
xxx thinks that at First National, you're not only a number. You're 3 numbers, followed by a dash, 4 more numbers, another dash and two numbers.
xxx doubts therefore he may be.
xxx thinks that 5 out of 4 people don't understand fractions.
xxx had a great evening. Unfortunately, this wasn't it.
xxx is amused. 'Tis the night before Xmas and all through the house not a creature is stirring, except me and my mouse.
xxx thinks that any attempt to debate with unreasonable people is like giving Viagra to dead people.
xxx thinks that prejudice is a wonderful time-saving device. It allows idiots to form opinions without knowing the facts.
xxx thinks that a clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.
xxx thinks that if the shoe fits, you should get another one just like it.
xxx wonders whether atheists get insurance for Acts Of God...
xxx will be setting his laser printer to 'stun'. You've been warned.
xxx wonders what they went back to before drawing boards were invented.
xxx wonders what the speed of dark might be...
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5th February 2009
Funny Facebook Status 05
xxx is off to see the wizard.
xxx is trying to understand why his name is highlighted in blue.
xxx has been modified from the original version, and formatted to fit your screen.
xxx is filmed in front of a live studio audience.
xxx will not do what Simon says.
xxx is having a near death experience.
xxx is on a 6hour conference call.
xxx is going to delete your Facebook account.
xxx ish avingt rouble withh iss pacebar.
xxx has updated to version 2.09, and loves the new hacking features.
xxx is about to stick a pin into your voodoo doll. Brace yerself, matey,
xxx is rewriting history.
xxx contains small moveable parts and is not suitable for children under the age of three.
xxx is now accepting applications.
xxx is coming to a theatre near you.
xxx is seldom on schedule but always on time.
xxx is, therefore he thinks.
xxx is in another castle. Sorry Mario.
xxx wonders from which dealer Puff The Magic Dragon gets the good stuff...
xxx is releasing non-lethal biodegradeable particles from his restricted zone.
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5th February 2009
Funny Facebook Status 04
xxx is normal. It's everyone else that's weird.
xxx is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
xxx is planning to get a grip on reality.. and then choke it to death!
xxx is painting the lawn.
xxx is wondering why you have soooo many apps...
xxx is to be. Or not to be. Was that the question?
xxx wonders why Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers when his doctor expressly told him to stay away from spicy foods.
xxx wonders why Sally sold seashells at the seashore when everyone could just pick them up for free. Gratis. Mahala.
xxx is only available while supplies last. Terms and Conditions apply.
xxx is busier than a cucumber in a women's prison.
xxx is pretty fly for a white guy. Not.
xxx has just finished installing a new flux capacitor in the De Lorean. I'll meet y'all back here in 1991..
xxx has a confession to make... i stole the cookie from the cookie jar.
xxx is using The Force.
xxx is on your mind at this very moment.
xxx is brought to you by MySpace.
xxx is easy like Sunday Morning..
xxx is legally dead, for tax purposes.
xxx wonders what happened to your roller skates and leg warmers...
xxx can't turn water into wine, but once managed to turn a student loan into weed and beer.
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5th February 2009
Funny Facebook Status 03
xxx is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
xxx is now available without a prescription. Caution: side effects may include uncontrollable laughter.
xxx is [censored]
xxx used to be schizophrenic, but we're okay now.
xxx is silently judging you.
xxx is waiting to exhale.
xxx LOVES CAPS LOCK
xxx is looking at you through the hidden camera built into your computer.
xxx is diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
xxx is the real reason why the chicken crossed the road.
xxx is, in fact, how Stella got her groove back.
xxx is colour blind and holding a Rubik's Cube... this may take a while...
xxx says it's not your fault... i'm just blaming you.
xxx is listening to his inner voices... and they don't like you.
xxx is planning to run over the chicken when it crosses the road
xxx is an expert on padded cells.
xxx is waiting for an omen.
xxx is running out of places to hide the bodies.
xxx is here. Now, what are you other two wishes??
xxx is proof that God has a sense of humour.
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5th February 2009
Funny Facebook Status 02
xxx is making a list and checking it twice..
xxx wonders why people think they're invisible when they pick their noses in traffic.
xxx is not your dad, after all. Sorry about that, son.
xxx is to be taken thrice a day, with water.
xxx is marking his territory.
xxx shot the sheriff, but he didn't shoot the deputy.
xxx is afraid of widths, not heights.
xxx is eating pasta with chopsticks.
xxx had his left side removed, and is all right now.
xxx is driving Miss Daisy
xxx is not amused with Scotty. Beam down my clothes!!!
xxx is not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
xxx is pondering why people sometimes type so much information into the status textbox.
xxx is high on life... and glue.
xxx is a cereal killer.
xxx is terrible at keeping secrets.
xxx is never up this late.
xxx has been scientifically tested and approved.
xxx is still in shock after dropping the soap.
xxx is out of his mind and has gone to look for it.
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4th February 2009
Funny Facebook Status 01
xxx is proofreading his status to make sure he hasn't made any erorrs.
xxx wonders whether it's possible to bring sexy back without a receipt...
xxx is weigh a pie somewhere over the rainbow.
xxx now realizes why it's not very bright to store uranium in Tupperware containers.
xxx is conducting scientific research on Gravity, The Devil's Secret Weapon.
xxx has just broken his previous record for staying alive for consecutive days!! Woohoo, Guinness Book Of Records, here I come!!!
xxx had a lovely barbeque last night. Strangely, the neighbour's dog didn't bark once during the night.
xxx has voted you off the island.
xxx is trying to glue tiny horns onto the dog's head but it isn't really working... Self-tapping screws may do the trick!
xxx regrets not having bought an extra kilo of cocaine before the price hike.
xxx just realized that using baby oil as a salad dressing probably wasn't a very good idea.
xxx is trying to look at the back of his head by turning around reeeeally fast. It doesn't work, FYI.
xxx is examining the fine line between what's acceptable and what's admissible as evidence in a court of law.
xxx is updating the expiry dates of the food in your fridge.
xxx wonders why common sense isn't.
xxx is the kids next door's imaginary friend.
xxx has found Waldo. Alert the media!
xxx is more frustrated than an Amish electrician.
xxx wants to know why you're stalking him...
xxx is having delusions of adequacy.
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